Quote
“Yeah, yeah—foils. Everyone wants to fly, until the first time they hit a ‘fridge’ in the water.”
Profile
Funky.blend is the administrator of the Tempelhof Diskoord, gunner on the INFINITY, designer of the FLITZA racing boat, and presumably the only person in Neu Berlin who can simultaneously repair, insult, and reconstruct a leaky ship in Blender.
Kokolores on Funky
“She sails as if she wants to prove to the horizon that it’s too slow.”
| Merkmal | Beschreibung |
|---|---|
| Name | Funky.blend |
| Affiliation | Tempelhof Diskoord; Suicide Squad |
| Job(s) | Gunner on the INFINITY, ship designer, competitive sailor |
| Origin | Neu Berlin |
| Area(s) of specialization | Blender, ballistics, electrical engineering |
| Wichtigster Besitz | FLITZA |
| Erscheinungsbild | Workshop clothing |
| Weaknesses | Drama, fast boats, pirate jokes |
| Attitude | Cheeky, funny, quick-witted |
Biography
Funky learned 3D modeling as a child on a makeshift computer whose graphics card would dim the workshop lights every time it rendered an image.
Her name came from an early project file called “Funky.blend”—a Blender file containing a model of a speedboat, along with a note that read “IF_YOU_DELETE_THIS_I’LL_BEAT_YOU_UP_IN_PALOMA.” Since no one in the workshop knew the girl’s name and she simply pointed to the file when asked, she was given the name Funky.blend.
Together with Ciao Von Bella and Salt Brah, Funky.blend forms the administration of the Tempelhof Diskoord. She coordinates the workshops, carries out repairs, and keeps Spasti from looting the fuel depot. Her hands-on management style is considered highly unpredictable and, to outsiders, unnecessarily offensive.
Funky on Management
“Order is when everyone knows where that part is. Bureaucracy is when there are three forms for it and the thing’s still missing.”
Funky is notorious for walking past other people’s boats right before the start of a boat race, tapping the hull once with her finger, and saying:
“Brave.”
Participants often withdraw from the race as a result.
Contributions to Open Wings
Funky made significant contributions to the network topology of the Open Wings flight routes. Funky insisted that the information network could not be viewed independently of the real city. A message locating a spare part would be useless if the only available boat were currently sitting unsailed in the Tempelhof Diskoord.
She developed several versions that could simulate bottlenecks between Open Wings, EVERYTHING, and the boat fleets of Neu Berlin. The 3D simulations were technically outstanding and visually filled with little sharks devouring blocked routes.
Personality
Funky is one of those people whose physical size bears no discernible relation to the amount of space they occupy. She is nimble, moves quickly, and often appears in factory halls in places where she couldn’t possibly have been just a few seconds earlier. No one has ever seen her climb all the way up a ladder. Most of the time, she just shows up up there.
Her clothing is functional but never haphazard. Tool loops, gloves, and inflatable straps are arranged so that they don’t get in the way while she works and float on the water. Hanging from her belt are a compass, a magazine made of letter capsules featuring the Open Wings motif, and a tool whose function she explains only with the words:
“If you have to ask, you don’t need it yet.”
Her insults are rarely loud, but they’re so technically precise that even the person on the receiving end has to pause for a moment to consider whether they’ve actually been put together wrong.
Although she regularly pokes fun at romanticized notions of seafaring, she herself has a noticeable weakness for dramatic entrances, rapid turning maneuvers, and firing multiple signal flares at once.
Abililies
Three-Dimensional Insults
Funky.blend’s most extraordinary talent is her ability to almost completely break down complex spatial structures in her mind and then reassemble them. When it comes to boats, she often recognizes stress paths, material stresses, and poor weight distribution at first glance. She rarely looks at a boat for more than a few seconds before delivering a diagnosis that the owner usually doesn’t want to hear:
“Port side too low, captain too fat.”
She creates digital models of damaged vessels, simulates modifications, and designs replacement parts before the first sheet of metal is cut in the workshop. Where other designers need drawings, she opens the model in Blender, removes three unnecessary components, and then explains that the original has “too much opinion and too little geometry.”
Tempelhof Tradition
It’s said that Funky can accurately model a ship based solely on the sound of its engine.
FLITZA and INFINITY
FLITZA is a high-speed sports boat from the SHARK Series, designed, modeled, and refined over several racing seasons entirely by Funky.blend. Funky’s talent for speed makes her a feared competitor in the New Berlin boat races, where Funky always competes with FLITZA.
FLITZA is built so low to the water that at high speeds it gives the impression of an out-of-control sea serpent. Funky leans far forward while driving and moves with the boat, causing FLITZA to look almost like a shark in tight turns—one that has set its sights on devouring the racers ahead of it.
The INFINITY the ship of the Tempelhof Diskoords—has a special docking rail at the stern that allows FLITZA to be picked up or set down while the ship is moving slowly. Funky calls this maneuver “shark parking”. Other crew members call it “please give us a heads-up this time.”
On the INFINITY, Funky.blend is the gunner. She likes to refer to the weapon systems themselves as “technical opinion amplifiers.”
Fibo on Funky
“Funky is brilliant. But the safety factor is insulting.”
Relationships
Fibo
At the start of the suicide mission, Funky and Fibo rarely interact. However, they observe each other with that kind of cautious curiosity that technically gifted people develop when they suspect someone else might actually know what they’re doing.
Their mutual affection develops through small technical gestures: Fibo saves optimized control parameters for FLITZA without mentioning them. Funky builds him a tool holder that fits his hand perfectly, and then claims that it’s “less embarrassing than constantly picking up the wrench.”
Later, Spasti refers to the two of them as “that one couple who flirt with each other using technical terms.”
Kokolores
There is a quiet, surprisingly stable closeness between Funky.blend and Kokolores. Kokolores sets her sights on the horizon, while Funky focuses on the question of who left tools out in the rain again.
That’s precisely why they complement each other. Koko doesn’t issue orders to assert her position and doesn’t consider herself smarter than her crew. For Funky, who is allergic to displays of authority, this is a key reason for joining the suicide mission in the first place.
Typical planning conversation
Funky on Kokolores
“She can get ten people to fly into the same storm. I’ll just have to explain afterward why the mast is missing.”
Spasti
Spasti embodies everything Funky rejects about technical work. His uncontrolled temper, spontaneous decisions, and deep belief that problems can be solved by hitting things hard often lead to Funky and Spasti getting into arguments.
Workshop conversation
Their arguments often follow a set pattern. Spasti suggests an absurd solution—or rather, a solution that’s completely off the mark. Funky explains why it won’t work. Spasti starts putting it into action before Funky can talk him out of it. Funky calls for Fibo because she believes that Fibo, being an intelligent person, should be able to bring the situation under control. Fibo fails to bring the situation under control. Funky turns to Kokolores. Kokolores stands at the bow, observes an unusual cloud formation, and says something like: “Maybe he has to figure it out for himself.” Funky gives up.
As the suicide mission unfolds, Funky gradually begins to technically upgrade Spasti’s fire-making abilities. She builds a harness system that prevents him from being flung off the deck during strong recoil. “Childproof arson,” Funky calls it.
Salt Brah
Funky regularly challenges Salt Brah’s leadership, often asking whether he has “thought his agenda through technically.” Yet Funky also respects him for his rebellious, humanitarian outlook.
Salt Brah, in turn, views Funky as a necessary counterbalance. He sets goals; she confronts him with material costs and logistics. When Funky says, after a long argument, “We can do it,” this is considered a unanimous decision within the Diskoord.
Ciao Von Bella
Funky and Ciao Von Bella complement each other more clearly than any other member of the Suicide Squad. Where Ciao defuses conflicts, Funky sets boundaries. In dangerous situations, both are surprisingly lost without the other.
Quote
Ciao: “You can’t solve every conflict with a wrench.”
Funky: “Depends on the wrench.”
Ciao: “That’s exactly why I’m here.”
Their skills also complement each other in the field. Ciao guides Open Wings pigeons through unsafe airspace, while Funky monitors the airspace from the INFINITY’s gun station. When enemy ships appear, she protects the flight corridors, forces attackers to keep their distance, or precisely shoots sails, antennas, and control surfaces out of the danger zone.
Their friendship also has a quiet, homey side. Ciao often reads in the workshop while Funky works on models or tests components. Ciao can tell from Funky’s typing whether her prototype is working. Funky can tell from the speed at which Ciao turns the pages whether she’s actually reading or thinking about something.
Ciao Von Bella is one of the few people who can praise Funky without irony—though usually only when Ciao isn’t around. Funky, on the other hand, would never openly admit that she trusts Ciao’s judgment. And yet, with nearly every risky decision, Funky asks, “What does Bella think about this?”
Typische Sayings
About Boats
“This leak isn’t big. The water’s just motivated.”
“The engine sounds like it’s in debt.”
“If you put any more weight in the back, this boat will sail backward into the future.”
“Set sail! I mean the real ones—not the decorative ones again.”
“Get ready to stand around like pros!”
“All hands on deck—except for those doing something useful.”
“Calibrate the targeting system, check for recoil, and then we can go ahead and make fools of ourselves.”
As a Gunner
“Target acquired. Moral qualms still loading.”
“Broadside starboard! Or right, for people without a high school diploma.”
“The hull isn’t crooked. It’s just given up.”
“This thing’s definitely still moving. The only question is whether it’s going in the direction I’m shooting.”
About Fibo
“He’s not arrogant. He’s just, unfortunately, often right.”
“Fibo builds machines that solve problems nobody even knew we needed to solve.”
“Romantic? I just let him touch the steering wheel.”