Profile
Solo Mio is the captain of the EVERYTHING, a wholesaler, and a harpoon hunter. Having played a key role in the founding of New Berlin, he knows the city like the back of his hand. He has a knack for smuggling contraband past customs—and he’s a terrible singer. On top of that, he’s a millionaire.
| Trait | Description |
|---|---|
| Name | Solo Mio |
| Affiliation | EVERYTHING |
| Role | Captain of the EVERYTHING |
| Origin | Berlin |
| Specialty | Haggling, harpoons, shouting |
| Most Important Possession | Michaelangelo |
| Appearance | Tall and stout |
| Greatest Weakness | Greed |
| General Demeanor | Loud, funny, criminal |
Biography
His career began with a series of short-lived stints as a warehouse worker in the depots of old Berlin. Gaining a deep understanding of how customs operations function—along with the ability to assemble and dismantle loading cranes faster than the law allows—he steadily grew his influence within New Berlin’s supply chain.
During the founding phase of New Berlin, the city’s markets were notoriously unreliable, peddling cheap goods at unfair prices. Solo Mio, by contrast, stood out by offering products of the highest quality. His concept for the decentralized “meta-ship” EVERYTHING allowed him to shorten supply chains and bypass middlemen; this drove down costs and enabled him to consistently undercut his competition. At the beginning of the story, his attempt to seize a monopoly on New Berlin’s logistics is still underway.
Thanks to his services as a procurer, smuggler, and integrator, the “The Real Solo Mio” seal of quality soon became established in New Berlin; it denotes goods that promise the highest quality at the lowest price.
His helmet, dating back to his time as a warehouse worker, can now be found in a display case at the Ministry of Chive Reform.
Personality
Solo Mio is in his mid-forties, good-natured, and always up for a clandestine, late-night run—provided that a harbor awaits at the end of the journey, and someone is there in that harbor, ready with cash.
During his time working in a warehouse, he frequently listened to Luciano Pavarotti’s “’O sole mio” and mistakenly believed the song was addressing him by name. While “’O sole mio” translates roughly to “my sun,” “Solo Mio” could be interpreted more like “everything for me alone.” Regardless of whether it’s a misunderstanding or not, he is a “sun” that warms every room he enters—and then promptly sends an invoice for the service provided.
He embodies a blend of a Hanseatic merchant and a Mediterranean bazaar trader: he pours a drink for the person he’s dealing with, earns their trust, and then proceeds to drive the price down. He has a knack for spotting the good in people—his personal credo being: “If someone doesn’t know their own worth yet, they’re hard to sell.”
He is stout and robust, boisterous and jovial, and always surrounded by people—some who genuinely enjoy his terrible Luciano Pavarotti impressions, and others who are forced to endure them because they still owe him money.
When meeting new business partners, he hands them his signature “business card”: a delivery note. He then promptly orders them to go ahead and deliver the goods listed on it.
An avid collector of harpoons, he haunts the shops of New Berlin, always on the lookout for new, exquisite specimens. Occasionally, he organizes expeditions to Italy to track down exceptionally rare harpoons in the contested territories. As a result, he is better informed than most about what is happening in the outer regions of New Berlin, and he frequently acts as an informant. Naturally, he charges a fee for his services—to cover his risk-related expenses.
Skills
Solo Mio’s most important gadget is Michaelangelo—a harpoon inspired by the Sistine Chapel, featuring a stereoscopic halo-sight and a six-shot “Creation” cylinder.
In situations where Michaelangelo isn’t required, Solo Mio relies on his charm and negotiating prowess. Since he isn’t looking to make enemies—but is instead always planning his next big score—it’s unwise to cross him. After all, he wants the same thing you do: to become filthy rich and own a house made of solid gold. He’s already set a delivery date.
Relationships
He holds Koko in high regard.
When Fibo begins one of his technical expositions, Solo Mio quickly grows bored—often clearing his throat in preparation for an impromptu musical performance.
He gets along famously with Spasti. While Spasti practices “applied Marxism” by making off with other people’s property, Solo Mio practices “applied market economy” by buying that same property from him—all while brandishing stacks of banknotes, of which he always carries far too many. No one knows where the money comes from; where it ends up, however, is usually quite clear.
Quotes
On Arson
“Arson is the trade of those too stupid to sell the firefighting water beforehand.”
“Fire doesn’t destroy value; it merely transfers it—very suddenly—to the building materials supplier.”
“Anyone who sets fire to a warehouse either knows nothing about the goods inside—or has already found a better warehouse.”
“I don’t set fires. I simply ensure that the right things become highly flammable at the right time.”
On Flying Ships
“A ship that can fly has lost two ports, but gained the entire world.”
“Gravity is just another customs officer: strict, slow, and—given the right propulsion—easily bypassed.”
“On the water, the wind decides. In the air, courage decides. In either case, you pay me.”
“Flying ships are the future. Not because they fly—but because you don’t have to pay port fees while in transit.”
On Suicide Missions
“A ‘suicide mission’? A very dramatic term for people who simply haven’t booked a return trip yet.”
“When the world comes to an end, it needs someone to go ahead and check if trade is still possible on the other side.”
“Someone always has to be the first to head toward doom; otherwise, the rest wouldn’t know which way to go.”
“The end of the world is no reason to shut down operations. On the contrary: final opportunities offer the best margins.”
“We’re all going to die eventually. The only question is whether we take some cargo along with us.”
On Berlin’s Club Culture
“The door to a Berlin club was Europe’s last functioning border—and the bouncer, its last honest customs officer.” > “A club is a department store with no goods: you stand in line for hours, pay too much, and yet come out happy.”
“In the old days, Berliners would dance for three days straight to escape reality. Today, they’d still dance for three days—if only we had enough electricity left to power it.”
“Berlin never needed churches. It had basements, fog machines, and people who didn’t want to go home on a Monday.”
“The old clubs have vanished, but the principle lives on: no one knows who actually owns the place, yet someone is making a fortune.”
On Studying
“Studying is an excellent pursuit. You spend five years learning exactly why people with money never had the time for it.”
“Education broadens your horizons. A good trade deal broadens your property.”
“I never studied. I simply employ people who did it for me.”
“A degree proves that you can sit in one place for a long time. On a ship, at least, that’s not entirely useless.”
“Theory is knowing why the shipment didn’t arrive. Practice is sending an invoice for it anyway.”
On Salt Brah
“Salt Brah is a genius. Unfortunately, he’s the kind of genius who topples a government first—and only then asks who’s going to pay for the stage lighting.”
“Salt turns art into a weapon. I turn weapons into trade goods. That’s why we respect each other.”
“When Salt Brah kicks down a door, I sell the owner a new one. After all, a revolution is just demand with a running start.”
“His concerts bring ten thousand people out into the streets. My shipments ensure they don’t starve while they’re there. Everyone has their own instrument, I suppose.” > “Salt establishes foundations, hijacks frequencies, and insults authorities. An excellent man—provided you demand payment in advance.”
“Do I trust Salt? I trust that he’ll show up precisely where every regulation explicitly states he’s not allowed to be.”
“Salt wants to liberate the world. I just want to know who it will belong to afterward.”